--- title: A Gracious Response to Criticism description: A dear friend of mine re-shared my writing on social media this week. I was able to feel the visceral impact of those times, and feel the balm of my words. I hope they can inspire you, and offer you a way forward when you feel helpless during social shifts and these changing times. image: https://soilandshadow.com/hubfs/custom-video-thumbnails/July%2019th%20or%2020th%202022%20Vlog%20Newsletter-thumb.jpeg --- [Skip to content](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth-0#main-content) [![LOGO](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/LOGO.png?width=619&height=540&name=LOGO.png)](https://soilandshadow.com/) - About Show submenu for About - [Our Team](https://soilandshadow.com/about-us) - [Value Statement](https://soilandshadow.com/value-statement) - Services Show submenu for Services - [Executive Coaching](https://soilandshadow.com/executive-coaching) - [Fractional People Operations and HR](https://soilandshadow.com/fractional-people-ops-culture-and-performance-strategist) - [Facilitation](https://soilandshadow.com/facilitation) - [Training](https://soilandshadow.com/team-training) - Lab Show submenu for Lab - [Client Case Studies](https://soilandshadow.com/client-case-studies) - [Research](https://soilandshadow.com/research) - [AI](https://soilandshadow.com/artificial-intelligence-and-embodied-practice) - [Soil, Shadow and Spirit](https://soilandshadow.com/bipoc-leaders) - [The Living Altar](https://www.thelivingaltar.earth/) - [Speaking](https://soilandshadow.com/speaking) - [Substack](https://nikkisilvestri.substack.com/) Open main navigation Close main navigation - About Show submenu for About - [Our Team](https://soilandshadow.com/about-us) - [Value Statement](https://soilandshadow.com/value-statement) - Services Show submenu for Services - [Executive Coaching](https://soilandshadow.com/executive-coaching) - [Fractional People Operations and HR](https://soilandshadow.com/fractional-people-ops-culture-and-performance-strategist) - [Facilitation](https://soilandshadow.com/facilitation) - [Training](https://soilandshadow.com/team-training) - Lab Show submenu for Lab - [Client Case Studies](https://soilandshadow.com/client-case-studies) - [Research](https://soilandshadow.com/research) - [AI](https://soilandshadow.com/artificial-intelligence-and-embodied-practice) - [Soil, Shadow and Spirit](https://soilandshadow.com/bipoc-leaders) - [The Living Altar](https://www.thelivingaltar.earth/) - [Speaking](https://soilandshadow.com/speaking) - [Substack](https://nikkisilvestri.substack.com/) - [Work with Us](https://soilandshadow.com/work-with-us) [Work with Us](https://soilandshadow.com/work-with-us) Sep 13, 2023 12:00:00 AM # A Gracious Response to Criticism ![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri) Share: [facebook-f icon](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth-0) [linkedin-in icon](http://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth-0) [twitter icon](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?url=https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth-0) [pinterest-p icon](http://pinterest.com/pin/create/link/?url=https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth-0) [envelope icon](mailto:?body=https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth-0) ### Personal Check In: I'm in my favorite time of year - facilitation season! Last week, this week, and in two weeks I get to be in person with women philanthropists, Black mama leaders, and environmental graduate students. We dance during breaks, we cry during soulful sharing, and we get things DONE. What a blessing to do this work. This week, I want to share an email I wrote (that you are very welcome to use as swipe copy!) in response to criticism I received about a Soil and Shadow project. "Shadow" is in the name of my firm because I so deeply believe in seeking growth edges and proactively expanding one's capacity for discomfort as primary leadership development endeavors. Being receptive to feedback is right in there! — ## And - the ability to *integrate* feedback is vital. I've learned over the years that my optimal feedback integration environment includes: 1. Believing in the best intentions of the person giving the feedback. This includes having an actual relationship with the person giving the feedback, if possible. 2. Creating a container for discussing the feedback that allows for questions, reflection, and engagement. I will ask for these conditions whenever possible. In the email I sent below, I tried to do just that - I hope the language is useful for you. — "Your feedback below was forwarded to us, and thank you for offering it.  I did attempt to communicate a tremendous amount of nuance. I know there are places I can learn about increasingly clearer ways to articulate my intentions. Part of my personal practice is to engage feedback like this voice-to-voice rather than electronically. It helps me connect, experience our mutual positive intentions, protect curiosity, and build trust.  If you’d like to jump on a brief phone call, I’m happy to do so. I have a 2 and a 5 year old so it might be a bit chaotic, but I’ll be present! :) If your feedback feels complete: I trust that you’ll hold me with grace as I experiment with ways to translate complex topics." —   If you'd like to learn more about giving feedback in ways that create belonging, I'd love to speak with you about our [Giving, Receiving, and Integrating Feedback Training](https://soilandshadow.com/giving-receiving-and-integrating-feedback-training) - reach out and let me know if you'd like to discuss.   Take care,   Nikki [Motherhood](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/motherhood), [Integrating Feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/integrating-feedback), [Personal Growth](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/personal-growth), [Feedback Culture](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/feedback-culture) ## Blog comments ## Related posts [![](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/custom-video-thumbnails/July%2019th%20or%2020th%202022%20Vlog%20Newsletter-thumb.jpeg?height=200&name=July%2019th%20or%2020th%202022%20Vlog%20Newsletter-thumb.jpeg)](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth) [Motherhood](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/motherhood), [Insights](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/insights), [Personal Growth](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/personal-growth) ## [Look at the places you withhold the truth - therein lies your complicity.](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth) ![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri) Jun 5, 2023 1:24:42 PM [Read more](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/look-at-the-places-you-withhold-the-truth) [![](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/image%20(2).jpg?height=200&name=image%20(2).jpg)](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/3-questions-to-help-you-integrate-feedback) [Giving and Receiving Feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/giving-and-receiving-feedback), [Vlog](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/vlog), [Team Work](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/team-work), [Professional Growth](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/professional-growth), [Communication Skills](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/communication-skills), [Leadership Development](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/leadership-development) ## [3 Questions to Help You Integrate Feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/3-questions-to-help-you-integrate-feedback) ![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri) May 17, 2023 10:09:30 AM [Read more](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/3-questions-to-help-you-integrate-feedback) [![](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/image%20(8).jpg?height=200&name=image%20(8).jpg)](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/dont-withhold-feedback-because-youre-uncomfortable) [Workplace Culture](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/workplace-culture), [Give feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/give-feedback), [organizationandteamdevelopment](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/organizationandteamdevelopment), [Update](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/update), [Giving, Receiving and Integrating Feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/giving-receiving-and-integrating-feedback), [SoilandShadow](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/soilandshadow), [Don't holdback feedback when uncomfortable](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/dont-holdback-feedback-when-uncomfortable) ## [Don't Withhold Feedback Because You're Uncomfortable](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/dont-withhold-feedback-because-youre-uncomfortable) ![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri) Mar 21, 2023 2:07:52 PM [Read more](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/dont-withhold-feedback-because-youre-uncomfortable) "Learn from the victories of paradigm failure." 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