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A Gracious Response to Criticism

Picture of Nikki Silvestri

Personal Check In: I'm in my favorite time of year - facilitation season! Last week, this week, and in two weeks I get to be in person with women philanthropists, Black mama leaders, and environmental graduate students. We dance during breaks, we cry during soulful sharing, and we get things DONE. What a blessing to do this work.

This week, I want to share an email I wrote (that you are very welcome to use as swipe copy!) in response to criticism I received about a Soil and Shadow project.

"Shadow" is in the name of my firm because I so deeply believe in seeking growth edges and proactively expanding one's capacity for discomfort as primary leadership development endeavors. Being receptive to feedback is right in there!

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And - the ability to integrate feedback is vital.

I've learned over the years that my optimal feedback integration environment includes:

  1. Believing in the best intentions of the person giving the feedback. This includes having an actual relationship with the person giving the feedback, if possible.

  2. Creating a container for discussing the feedback that allows for questions, reflection, and engagement.

I will ask for these conditions whenever possible. In the email I sent below, I tried to do just that - I hope the language is useful for you.

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"Your feedback below was forwarded to us, and thank you for offering it. 

I did attempt to communicate a tremendous amount of nuance. I know there are places I can learn about increasingly clearer ways to articulate my intentions.

Part of my personal practice is to engage feedback like this voice-to-voice rather than electronically. It helps me connect, experience our mutual positive intentions, protect curiosity, and build trust. 

If you’d like to jump on a brief phone call, I’m happy to do so. I have a 2 and a 5 year old so it might be a bit chaotic, but I’ll be present! :)

If your feedback feels complete: I trust that you’ll hold me with grace as I experiment with ways to translate complex topics."

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If you'd like to learn more about giving feedback in ways that create belonging, I'd love to speak with you about our Giving, Receiving, and Integrating Feedback Training - reach out and let me know if you'd like to discuss.

 

Take care,

 

Nikki
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