---
title: "Mama Wisdom: I'm seeing that you felt safe enough with me for this work to surface, but I'm not willing for our relationship to be a place for this type of processing"
description: Today's vlog is about mama wisdom. Mama wisdom is my way of connecting the dots between the skills required for caregiving and the skills required for leadership.
image: https://soilandshadow.com/hubfs/Imported%20sitepage%20images/291839036_444942290515778_4685603831879951406_n.jpg
---

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 Mar 8, 2023 10:03:09 AM

# Mama Wisdom: I'm seeing that you felt safe enough with me for this work to surface, but I'm not willing for our relationship to be a place for this type of processing

![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri)

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## Personal Check In: I've been up this morning with the full moon, so you're getting all that "middle of the night insight" goodness. Hah!

 

### Today's vlog is about mama wisdom. Mama wisdom is my way of connecting the dots between the skills required for caregiving and the skills required for leadership.

 

#### A key skill for mamas is doing our work to regulate **our** nervous systems so we can **co-regulate** our children's nervous systems. If that sentence didn't make sense, go down a Dr. Becky rabbit hole. ;) When our children are upset in our presence, it means they felt safe enough with us to release uncomfortable feelings and rely on us for co-regulation support. All children need this, and many (if not most) don't get it. Including us when we were kids, because...well, look at societal support for parents.

#### We then show up in social impact organizations and purpose-driven businesses with a LOT of unprocessed inner work. Sometimes, feeling very safe with a co-worker (or especially a supervisor) can open these pathways of unprocessed work. We (or they) may be seeking co-regulation support, even if we're not aware of it. Once we become adults, it's no longer another's job to regulate us - we must regulate ourselves, what the respectful parenting world calls "reparenting". If you're experiencing an upset with a colleague that feels out of proportion to the issue at hand, it could be these reparenting dynamics.

##### It's not our job as co-workers to walk our colleagues through reparenting pathways.

##### We can have grace. "I'm seeing that you felt safe enough with me for this work to surface."

##### We can have boundaries. "I'm not willing for our relationship to be a place for this type of processing".

## More details in the vlog, and I would love to hear how you've navigated these types of situations.

[Mama Wisdom](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/mama-wisdom), [Reparenting](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/reparenting), [Boundaries](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/boundaries), [Self Regulation](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/self-regulation)

## Blog comments

## Related posts

[![Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/291839036_444942290515778_4685603831879951406_n.jpg?height=200&name=291839036_444942290515778_4685603831879951406_n.jpg)](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/mama-wisdom-give-permission-to-interrupt-a-foul-mood)

[Emotional Intelligence](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/emotional-intelligence), [Mama Wisdom](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/mama-wisdom), [Discovering Joy](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/discovering-joy), [Grumpy Mama](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/grumpy-mama), [Feminine Leadership](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/feminine-leadership), [Motherhood](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/motherhood), [Self Care](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/self-care), [Feminine Care Practices](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/feminine-care-practices), [Mama Moment](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/mama-moment)

## [Mama Wisdom: Give Permission to Interrupt a Foul Mood](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/mama-wisdom-give-permission-to-interrupt-a-foul-mood)

![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri) 

 Jul 25, 2022 12:29:44 PM

Personal Check-In: I was pretty tender when I recorded this vlog. No makeup, exposed heart. Glad to...

[Read more](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/mama-wisdom-give-permission-to-interrupt-a-foul-mood)

[![](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/291839036_444942290515778_4685603831879951406_n.jpg?height=200&name=291839036_444942290515778_4685603831879951406_n.jpg)](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/new-workshop-giving-receiving-and-integrating-feedback)

[Giving, Receiving and Integrating Feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/giving-receiving-and-integrating-feedback), [Workshop](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/workshop), [SoilandShadow](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/soilandshadow)

## [New Workshop: Giving, Receiving and Integrating Feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/new-workshop-giving-receiving-and-integrating-feedback)

![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri) 

 Mar 14, 2023 10:37:17 AM

[Read more](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/new-workshop-giving-receiving-and-integrating-feedback)

[![](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Nikki%20Silvestri_.png?height=200&name=Nikki%20Silvestri_.png)](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/dont-withhold-feedback-because-youre-uncomfortable-1)

[Workplace Culture](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/workplace-culture), [Give feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/give-feedback), [organizationandteamdevelopment](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/organizationandteamdevelopment), [Update](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/update), [Difficult Conversations](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/difficult-conversations), [Giving, Receiving and Integrating Feedback](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/giving-receiving-and-integrating-feedback), [SoilandShadow](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/soilandshadow), [Don't holdback feedback when uncomfortable](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/dont-holdback-feedback-when-uncomfortable), [Constructive Criticism](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/tag/constructive-criticism)

## [Two Frameworks for Appropriate Vulnerability in the Workplace](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/dont-withhold-feedback-because-youre-uncomfortable-1)

![Picture of Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/hs-fs/hubfs/nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png?width=50&name=nikki%20headshot%20blog%20png.png) [Nikki Silvestri](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/author/nikki-silvestri) 

 Sep 5, 2023 6:00:00 AM

[Read more](https://soilandshadow.com/soil-and-shadow-blog/dont-withhold-feedback-because-youre-uncomfortable-1)

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